Poker Player raises chickens

Reporter: Well Poker Player, I thought I would check back with you and see how your plan for stamping out AIDS through insect control using Skinks is coming.

Poker Player: Well, it’s a little slow. I thought I had all those forms the Feds want filled out right, but no matter what I did it was always wrong.

Reporter: Wrong?

Poker Player: Yeah. No matter what I tried it just didn’t work. So I called the White House…

Reporter: White House?

Poker Player: Yep. No need to goof around is the way I saw it.

Reporter: How’d that work out?

Poker Player: No problem. They gave me the name of this Consultant in Getting Money From The Feds. In Chicago.

Reporter: Chicago?

Poker Player: Yep. He’s on the South Side, can’t remember the neighborhood…

Reporter: So he got everything fixed?

Poker Player: Uh, he told me not to use that word.

Reporter: Fixed?

Poker Player: Yeah. He said it might give people the wrong idea.

Reporter: I see.

Poker Player: And he was real disappointed when I told him I didn’t have any front money.

Reporter: Front money?

Poker Player: That’s what he called it. But he said that wouldn’t stop us. He said if I cut him on this thing for 90% everything would be slick as snot on a door knob.

Reporter: 90% He wants 90%?

Poker Player: Well he said he’d need to make some contributions to the right people.... That kinda put me off for a bit, but then I decided that 10% of $50 million is better than 100% of nothing..

Reporter: So when’s the check gonna get here?

Poker Player: That's another story.

Reporter: So you are stymied in your efforts…

Poker Player: Well, I had another idea.

Reporter: And?

Poker Player: Chickens.

Reporter: Chickens?

Poker Player: Yep. They eat plenty of bugs and things, not as efficient as Skinks, but your average chicken is hell on June bugs….

Reporter: How many do you have?

Poker Player: None.

Reporter: None?

Poker Player: Well, you see I went over to the CO-OP and bought me a hundred and brought'em home and put’em in these special cages.

Reporter: Cages?

Poker Player: Well yeah. You see these chicks don’t have no Momma hen for them to cuddle to before they start getting regular feathers. So you use these cages with 90 watt light bulbs in them to keep’em all warm and happy.

Reporter: So what disease killed them?

Poker Player: Wasn’t a disease.

Reporter: No?

Poker Player: Nope, one of those guys from the Government who had came out to check on my stump and brush pile potential for Skink raising saw what was going on and pitched a fit.

Reporter: Huh?

Poker Player: Yeah. Said that the chickens were obviously an ancillary to the skinks which made them part of a Federal Project.

Reporter: So?

Poker Player: He said that the 90 watt bulbs was contributing to man made global warming and that they had to be replaced with CFL’s.

Reporter: CFL’s?

Poker Player: Compact Fluorescence Lighting. Why he said we could save the environment and save a ton of money because the CFL’s would produce 90 watts of light but use only 15 watts of power.....

Reporter: So you replaced the 90 watt bulbs with CFL’s that gave off 90 watts of light but only used 15 watts of power… Sounds great to me.

Poker Player: Sounds good but it didn’t work out.

Reporter: Huh?

Poker Player: Yeah. Everything was fine during the day… But that night the temperature dropped to about 35 and all those chicks died..

Reporter: How terrible.

Poker Player: Yeah. They needed the 90 watts of heat and the CFL’s just put out 15 watts.

Reporter: Have you spoken with your Consultant in Chicago?

Poker Player: Yeah. He said it was just an unintended consequence.

Reporter: I guess getting rid of 100 dead chicks was bad.

Poker Player: Yeah, but the real problem was the CFL’s.

Reporter: What?

Poker Player: Yeah, come to find out they have mercury in them and someone ratted me out to the EPA for dumping them in the land fill.

Reporter: I see.

Poker Player: Could be worse. I called my good buddy in Chicago and he said for the remaining 10% he would make sure I didn’t go to jail…..



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Ain't it the truth?

Hat tip to Jimmy M!

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I got this from Government Motors

Dear

We value and appreciate your loyalty more than anything. We are proud to announce we have repaid our government loan – in full, with interest, five years ahead of the original schedule. We realize we still have more to do. Our goal is to exceed every expectation you've set for us. We're designing, building and selling the best cars and trucks in the world. Like the award-winning Chevy Malibu, the all-new Buick LaCrosse, the versatile Cadillac CTS Sport Wagon and the innovative GMC Terrain, just to name a few. As we move into the future, we're thankful to have loyal owners like you. We invite you to learn more about the new GM and join our community, by visiting gm.com. And once again, thank you for your support


Susan E. Docherty
Vice President, U.S. Marketing

Sounded pretty good, eh? Well, it didn't take long for people to point out that all they had done was taking money from Peter to pay Paul.

The watchdog, however, won't budge. When asked how to tell whether the $4.7 billion used to pay off the government loan came from TARP funds and not some other source, a spokesman for the Special Inspector General's Office explained: "We have a letter from General Motors requesting that they take the money out of escrow and pay the other debt down. And the money in the escrow was clearly TARP funding." That letter has been released by the Special Inspector General's Office.

So I decided to give'em a ping back.

I have since learned that this email is incorrect. All you did was take TARP money and use it to pay this loan back.

The entire upper management team should be replaced immediately for allowing this gross misrepresentation to be made.

There's a FORD in my future.

Signed

A 33 year Chevrolet, Pontiac and Buick customer.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2010/apr/23/government-motors-repayment-fraud/

Somehow I don't think there will be a reply.

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General Patton

General Patton is back with his usual direct solutions for the problems we face.

He was wrong about the surge, but the jury is still out on the remainder.

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"Architects of Ruin," an appreciation

I don't call these a "review" because then I'd have to do quotes, give an outline, etc., etc.

What Peter Schweizer writes is a short, 187 pages, summary of just how the Leftes of the world got the Community Reinvestment Act passed under the Second Worst President in history, AKA Carter, and how the expanded it and how they eventually took over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac during the Clinton administration and how the Lefie Boomers decided they should get rich and do good using the tax payer's money.

And how "Too Big To Fail" actually didn't start in 2008, but years and years before in Argentia, Russia, Japan, Thailand, etc., etc. Come to find out the Masters of the Universe weren't masters of anything. The game was as fixed as a card mechanic setting up the mark for the big take down.

And the recurring names in the Clinton and Obama administration will blow you away.

And while it is well written, it is a slow read with some 15 pages of notes and references, probably 300 or so.

It isn't a Right Wing rant on the Internet.

And if you aren't seething with anger after you have read it then there is something wrong.

Buy it here or elsewhere but buy it.

And if you have teenager around, do whatever it takes to get them to read it. That way they will know why their future is mortgaged.

And a hat tip to Mostly Cajun for the pic.
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Grrrrrrrrrrrr. I was just trying to do an update and deleted

the original post about who is doing the damage to our foreign policy re Iran

Now I gotta redo it or foget it....

Grrrrrrrrrrr

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Another environmentalist wacko scheme down the tubes

BRUSSELS, April 21 (Reuters) - Biofuels such as biodiesel from soy beans can create up to four times more climate-warming emissions than standard diesel or petrol, according to an EU document released under freedom of information laws.

And I wish I had said this:

Diggs said at April 25, 2010 2:20 PM:
Honestly, when have envirotards ever been correct? Tens of thousands killed by toxic skies over US cities by late 1970s? Nope. New ice age by late 1990s? Nope. Mass starvation by 2000? Nope. Rape of the Amazon rain forest by 2010? Nope. Nuclear Winter? Nope.
If one marches to Al Gore's drum, one deserves all the skepticism that is coming, and more.
Retards.

In the meantime we have idiot Congress critters on both sides that think we should be spending billions....


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I wonder if we can give him to them?

(April 23) -- President Barack Obama is still the world's most respected leader, according to a new six-country poll.

Released today by France 24 and Radio France Internationale, the Harris Interactive Poll asked 6,135 adults between the ages of 16 and 64 who live in the United States, Britain, France, Italy, Germany or Spain to name their favorite world leaders.

Link
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This one is for Mexboy

I think it's time to do this one again/

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Shortage of skinks.... Global warming thought to be the problem

Skinks in the rural south are an important part of the environment. Huge eaters of mosquitoes, flies, ticks, spiders and other insects they play a vital and necessary part in preventing the spread of disease like rocky mountain spotted fever southern version, AIDS, STD's and others.

But this year skinks are in short supply. This reporter sought out noted retired salesman and road grader operator, AKA Poker Player, to discuss this burning issue.

Reporter: Tell us, Poker Player, what is the cause of the shortage?

Poker Player: Well, uh, I'm pretty sure it's global warming.

Reporter: Interesting. What brings you to that conclusion?

Poker Player: Well, we had a super cold winter, one of them thin the herd ones and we all know that global warming causes massive snow falls and cold weather.. And boy did we have one. Why my utility bill last month...

Reporter: Well, I'm sure that bill was higher...

Poker Player: Higher than a cat's back, but then it turned warm and without a lot of skinks around, well, I tell you Old Yeller has ticks galore and fleas out the wazoo! You should see him scratch. I call it "Old Yeller playing his fiddle."

Reporter: So there's no doubt that we have an infestation?

Poker Player: No doubt. It is an inconvenient truth.

Reporter: Just how bad is the problem? Have you engaged the services of some skink scientists?

Poker Player: No need to. I just did a quick survey and found that the two that always lived in that brush pile out back by the garden are gone. Then I found only one out by the rotten oak stump where there were always four or five, so that is a shortage of six. I then figured that since we're talking 20 acres here and since per acre you could have 30 stumps and brush piles on the front ten and 50 on the back ten... and that shows a shortage of 1800 and 3000... If you're having trouble visualizing it think of it as a hockey stick..

Reporter: Hockey stick?

Poker Player: Yeah you know. Starts out smooth and straight and then curves up real fast. Gives you an idea of how serious this is.

Reporter: I see. Have you discussed this with any of your friends?

Poker Player: Oh yeah. Lots of'em.

Reporter: Well, what did they say?

Poker Player: They all agreed that was a mighty slick way to figure out the missing skinks.

Reporter: Hmmmmmmmm

Poker Player: Old man Jones claimed he couldn't make the numbers work for him but then I showed him the trick of assuming that all those trees in his yard had been cut down making excellent skink homes for the skinks that aren't here.

Reporter: That's fantastic. You are a true visionary.

Poker Player: Aw, it ain't nothing.

Reporter: Do you have a solution?

Poker Player: Well, it seems pretty obvious. We need to get in the skink raising business.

Reporter: And how do you do that?

Poker Player: Well, I got me an Alpha male. Now if I can get a government grant for say, $20 million I can capture me some female skinks, make some extra stumps and brush piles and let old Blue Tail go to town.

Reporter: Amazing.

Poker Player: But we need to hurry. I hear STD's and such is spreading fast, especially in certain Ladies of the Evening.

Reporter: Huh?

Poker Player: Yeah. I figure I will need to reform these Ladies and get the men who, uh.... associated very closely with them off the street.

Reporter: And that will cost?

Poker Player: Oh about $50 million for the Ladies and another $20 million for equipment for the men.

Reporter: Equipment for the men???

Poker Player: Yeah, computers. You know, so they can watch porn and play choke the chicken...

Reporter: Wow. How far sighted. But do you actually think the government would pay for such?

Poker Player: Heck, don't know why not. Look what they did for the SEC, and that wasn't even a program to stop disease.........

Poker Player had to leave at that point to go join his previously scheduled game. But he promises to keep us posted on his progress in skink raising.

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We're being out bred.

Worth thinking about.

Hat tip to Grant M!





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Climategate

Click here. You will love the video.

And this is perhaps the best explanation of the "hockey stick" and what its designers tried to do that I have ever read. If you are interested, click here.

And thanks to AttackCartoons!


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Fishing with girls

I know it's sexist. But there's just something about it that trips my tickle switch.



Hat tip to Jimmy M!



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And the Europeans actually voted these people to power!

I couldn't make this stuff up.

The European Union has declared travelling a human right, and is launching a scheme to subsidize vacations with taxpayers' dollars for those too poor to afford their own trips.

Antonio Tajani, the European Union commissioner for enterprise and industry, proposed a strategy that could cost European taxpayers hundreds of millions of euros a year, The Times of London reports.

"Travelling for tourism today is a right. The way we spend our holidays is a formidable indicator of our quality of life," Mr. Tajani told a group of ministers at The European Tourism Stakeholders Conference in Madrid on April 15. Mr. Tajani was appointed to his post by Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

Link

I mean, is that stupid or is that stupid?



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Gardening for fun and profit and other things

The rabbits and squirrels, either in combination or separately have gutted my garden. They devoured all of my cabbage plants, some tomato plants and some bell peppers. They don't appear to like either the bell peppers or tomato plants, just biting one off at the base and letting it fall. We will see if they give up now that the cabbage is gone or if they hold their noses and eat the peppers and tomatoes.

I am sure they can't wait for the okra to come up. That is if this unseasonably cold weather doesn't rot the seed in the ground.

I threatened rabbit stew as revenge but that entails being up when they come to dine, a time when I am normally asleep.

One of the cousins who came for the funeral advised that if I would put stakes in the ground with streamers the varmints would be scared off.

I gave that a shot. Since she is from PA I must conclude that Southern varmints are much braver than their Northern brethren as the onslaught didn't even pause.

A fence would work, only cost me a few hundred bucks and definitely keep out the rabbits. Of course the squirrels, as they proved two years ago in "The Affair of the Disappearing Green Strawberries," merely do what squirrels do. Climb up and over.

Mostly Cajun has a post on his desire to visit Iceland, triggered by the news reports of the volcano eruption. I have been there and done that and my advice would be to spend your money for a trip to Las Vegas. Then take a sojourn out into the desert. Pour ice water on your feet and gaze at the rocks and sand and you will have somewhat duplicated the other.

Besides. The food is better, the shows are better and the natives friendlier. Especially some of the young ladies you might meet at the bar of various hotels. Some others you might see traveling with their Grandfathers and older Uncles. I have also noticed this phenomena in Hawaii. Ain't kin folks great?

If the ash problem continues I would think that people trying to get home could take surface transport to Spain and from there the southern route to New York. Stopping at either the Azores or Newfoundland for fuel depending on the winds, loads, etc. Of course that would also mean getting additional aircraft into Spain.

That use to be the route we took to get from the east coast to Sicily and much nicer places like Malta and various cities in Italy and Rome.

Not that Sicily isn't nice. It's just hot and windy and windy and hot. I'm convinced that is why the people are known to hold grudges. It was in Catania that I learned how to sit at an outside table and drink Martini and Rossi through the late afternoon and early evening.

Learning such skills are worth putting up with minor inconveniences.






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Global wet

Here's a link that gives some interesting details on water vapour and how it effects global warming.

Hat tip to TnVolunteer1973.

After you read that you may want to read this to tie the subjects together.



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Golfing for the dead

A massive volcanic plume covering most of Europe forced President Obama to cancel a Sunday trip to Poland to attend the funeral of the nation's president. But the last-minute change left an opening in his schedule, so the president headed to the links for a round of golf instead.

On a cool but sun-drenched Sunday, the president and three golfing companions went to Andrews Air Force Base to play 18 holes. It is the 32nd time Mr. Obama has played golf since taking office Jan. 20, 2009, according to CBS Radio's Mark Knoller.

Maybe a White House ceremony instead? Prayers for the dead and their country?

There's an old Southern expression that covers this. "His taste is all in his mouth."



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Monday Morning - Time to go to work!

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When will the Jews join the Left's opposition?

Ed Kock wrote this for Israel National News.

What bothers me most of all is the shameful silence and lack of action by community leaders - Jew and Christian. Where are they? If this were a civil rights matter, the Jews would be in the mall in Washington protesting with and on behalf of our fellow American citizens. I asked one prominent Jewish leader why no one is preparing a march on Washington similar to the one in 1963 at which I was present and Martin Luther King's memorable speech was given? His reply was "Fifty people might come." Remember the 1930s? Few stood up. They were silent. Remember the most insightful statement of one of our greatest teachers, Rabbi Hillel: "If I am not for myself, who is for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?"

We have indeed stood up for everyone else. When will we stand up for our brothers and sisters living in the Jewish state of Israel?

First Hillary discovered that race trumps gender and now we see that the Jews are discovering that their race is of no consideration to the Leftie they helped, in large numbers, elect.

This might be forgivable if the Left's love for Palestine and Muslims in general had not been plain to see for the past 10 years or so and became plainer and plainer as the years went by. Simply put, the Left hates America so anyone who loves America is an enemy.

A better question is, when will the Jews step forward and join with the Left's opposition? Or will the Jews, as so many did in pre war Germany, keep telling themselves that "nothing will happen?"




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There are no crazies here

Naturally, the hyperventilating and demonization of these crackpots who carry around copies of the Constitution and babble about the 10th Amendment will continue unabated. It is, perhaps, as much a matter of a cultural divergence as it is an ideological disagreement. Yet, once again, the evidence demonstrates that by the very definition of the word, the tea party is less "radical" than are the elected officials busy transforming the nation.

Or, as one sign succinctly put it: "There are no crazies here. They are all in Washington, D.C."

No kidding!!!!

Link


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They are a terrorist organization so we must give them money for spying on them??

This really should be filed under "I couldn't make this up."

The government in 2004 was intercepting the telephone communications of lawyers Wendell Belew and Asim Ghafoor. They were counsel to a Saudi charity, the Al-Haramain Islamic Foundation, which the government has declared a terror organization.

The lawyers are seeking $204,000 each, in addition to $204,000 for the charity, whose U.S. assets are frozen because of its terror designation. Judge Walker did not immediately rule on the request.

So we now have a claim on the purse of the people to give money to an organization that has been declared a terrorist organization.

Something about this seems totally distorted. If the organization is a terrorist organization we, as a country and a society, would be totally stupid to give it anything.

And while the lawyers involved, apparently, were involved in the designation litigation only, it would appear to me that their claim is moot because:

Under Bush’s so-called Terrorist Surveillance Program, which The New York Times disclosed in December 2005, the NSA was eavesdropping on Americans’ telephone calls without warrants if the government believed the person on the other line was overseas and associated with terrorism. Congress, with the vote of Barack Obama — who was a U.S. senator from Illinois at the time — subsequently authorized such warrantless spying in the summer of 2008.

So if the government forgave itself and the telephone companies, how can it be guilty of anything?

Now I realize that I am not a lawyer and I am not arguing law and undoubtedly can be shown to be legally incorrect in numerous ways.

But common sense has to come into play sooner or later. And things like this is the root cause of Tea Parties and the sudden rise of citizens saying, "Not only NO, but HELL NO!"

I mean enough is enough is enough.

And of course we have a Democrat and the New York Times (What else?) to blame.

Nearly a dozen current and former officials, who were granted anonymity because of the classified nature of the program, discussed it with reporters for The New York Times because of their concerns about the operation's legality and oversight.

According to those officials and others, reservations about aspects of the program have also been expressed by Senator John D. Rockefeller IV, the West Virginia Democrat who is the vice chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, and a judge presiding over a secret court that oversees intelligence matters. Some of the questions about the agency's new powers led the administration to temporarily suspend the operation last year and impose more restrictions, the officials said.

NYT Link

Hat tip to TalkLeft where I partially posted the above.



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Requiem for a Cousin

We buried a Cousin today.

Visitation was last night. Visitation is Southern for “wake.” People came and said good things and told the usual lies about how “good” she looked. I hate that. The Undertaker had done a nice job but she was 78 and there is only so much that anyone can do after a death caused by a lengthy illness.

I prefer to remember people as they looked in better days. Me? I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered from the top of the full service Marriott or Sheraton hotel at LAX. Perhaps some small part of me will get lodged in some crack on a jet and I can satisfy my wanderlust for a few more years with no interference.

She was a sweet and kind person who had many friends and they came in numbers. Her husband, who served in Vietnam, is disabled because of that and visits the VA hospital regularly. They had no children but they were each other’s child and he misses her in a most terrible and obvious way. I don’t expect him to be far behind her.

She was laid to rest in the county graveyard. It is a peaceful place and well kept and suits her persona and demeanor quite well. It is one of those that have the markers at grass level. After the service I walked around a small bit and was struck by the numbers of “CPL US Army WWII,” “PVT US Army Korea,” “Seaman USN WWII” and on and on that were on the stones.

I suddenly felt that she was surrounded by men who had made it their business to protect our Ladies and our Children and found it comforting in a strange way. I wondered about their lives before they went and did the deeds that allowed them to have those simple copper plaques as remembrance and I wondered about their lives after they came home. Some in coffins, some wounded, some sane and sound. But all changed.

As her husband was.

A strong believer she had no fear of that good night and she is at peace tonight as those men around her are and as her husband will be.

“There were Giants in the Earth in those days.” Genesis 6:4

We live in their shadows and the shadows of those who loved and supported them. It is now our turn. What shadows will we cast?



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Uncle Jay

Today being tax day I thought we would all enjoy this.



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Naval Aviators do it upside down

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Cabbages and would be kings

Another warm day. Got my cabbage reset (the squirrels thanked me) the tomatoes worked out and the okra planted. I'm way early on the okra, but nothing ventured nothing gained!

Cukes and banna peppers tomorrow, maybe yellow squash. Boy am I tired. But not so tired I can't enjoy Pope Algore running away from a teenage cameraman complaining of "ambush journalism."

Not so funny is Michelle Malkin telling us to be cautious over the beating of Bauttsch and her boy friend.

This much is clear: Bautsch and her boyfriend were seriously beaten and injured after leaving a fund-raising event held during the Southern Republican Leadership Conference.

Uh Michelle, I guess we shouldn't over react, but can anyone imagine the screams and outpouring of righteous anger if the beatees had been Democrats?

Look. They were beaten by Leftie thugs. And it is okay to say that is bad. Isn't it? I guess that's not too strong.

And then we have Obama kicking the press out. Oh well. After all, his middle name is Hussein. An Islamic Fascist is an Islamic Fascist no matter how much lip stick you put on the pig.








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Don't look now!

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We skated in 2004 when this

cartoon was published..... But then 2008 happened....

Hat tip to Mike L!


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England continues its slide into stupidity.

Female staff who follow the Islamic faith will be allowed to cover their arms to preserve their modesty despite earlier guidance that all staff should be "bare below the elbow".

The Department of Health has also relaxed rules prohibiting jewellery so that Sikh members of staff can wear bangles linked with their faith, providing they are pushed up the arm while the medic treats a patient.

The Mail on Sunday reported the change had been made after female Muslims objected to being required to expose their arm below the elbow under guidance introduced by Alan Johnson when he was health secretary in 2007.

The rules were drawn up to reduce the number of patients who were falling ill, and even dying, from superbugs such as MRSA and Clostridium difficile.
snip

Derek Butler, chairman of MRSA Action UK, said: "My worry is that allowing some medics to use disposable sleeves you compromise patient safety because unless you change the sleeves between each patient, you spread bacteria.

"Scrubbing bare arms is far more effective." A Department of Health spokesman said: "The guidance is intended to provide direction to services in how they can balance infection control measures with cultural beliefs without compromising patient safety."

Link

This is a sterling example of just how stupid and dangerous political correctness can be. If you don't want to adhere to the most effective method of treating patients then you should just be fired, not coddled and cowtowed to.

Hat tip to Don Surber


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The ball girl

AKA The person who should be playing Left field.

I've used this before but I just love it!

Reminds me of Ginger Rogers having to make every dance step Fred Astaire did. In high heels. Backwards.





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