Thursday, November 20, 2008

How to select who gets laid off.

I got this from Seattle Greg.

As the CFO of this business that employees 140 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our next President, and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, I figure that the clients will have to see an increase in our fees to them of about 8%, but since we cannot increase our fees right now due to the dismal state of our economy, we will have to lay off eight of our employees instead. This has really been eating at me for awhile, as we believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who will have to go.

So, this is what I did. I strolled thru our parking lot and found 8 Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. These folks wanted change; I gave it to them.

Sadly funny.

Age, wisdom and things like that.

Got this from Jimmy M.

A guy is 71 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up. '

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard
the voice say a gain, 'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me? 'The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully
and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts?Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said;

'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.

Bambi, snakes, moles and other varmints

If you have been wondering why I haven't been posting much, look at the trees in the picture and imagine their leaves, and many other trees, on the ground. I and my trusty John Deer and Poulson blower have been playing Mr. Yard Man for two days and have at least 8 more hours to go... and that doesn't count the time spent mulching before pick up... and the white oaks and flowering cheery still have 80% of their leaves.

The weather, despite what Pope Algore and his High Priest of Bankrupt the Coal Industry, aka Hussein, claim is frosty. Lows in the mid 20's at night, highs in the low forties. Thermal underwear, ski mask and jumpsuits because riding a John Deer comes with a built in breeze.

The picture was taken about three months ago through a window in my home office. I tried to get a closer view and wound up with some distortion. I call the picture "Why I live here."

Not that I think of Bambi when I see a deer. Last spring one helped themselves to some tasty okra plants in my garden, probably the doe in the picture. By and large deer are tasty themselves and varmints when they eat my veggies and help themselves to the flowers.

The first sign of a deer being around was three years ago when I found tracks at the back side of the yard, just at the tree line. When I announced that to my spouse she poopooed me. "Okay," I said, "It's either a deer or the devil. Your choice."

Old Scratch not being in favor she responded with, "Are you sure?" Which is wife talk for, "Yes dear."

I hadn't thought much about the deer until last night. I walked out on the deck and could hear the yapping of a coyote pack. Sounded like maybe they were in the flood plain thickets behind my land, but sound carries well on still cold nights so they may have been all the way up to the head of the creek.

I do hope they weren't celebrating the taking of one of the two deer. Bambi may be a varmint sometimes, but deer are always beautiful to look at. Twenty years ago coyotes and armadillos were all on the other side of the Mississippi, now armadillos are served as possum on the half shell and the coyotes kill our cats, dogs, calves and deer.

I haven't found a snake as I poke around and in the leaves. The tractor makes such a roaring and shaking sound I am sure they slither off to more secure brush piles and fence lines.

We have had our share of snakes. By and large any non-poisonous snake I see has an open slither to the safety of the forest behind and to the side of the house. Copperheads and cotton mouths are dispatched with my home invasion repellent, a 20 gauge short barrel pump. A true scatter gun with open bore and No. 4 shot. It makes an Expert Marksman of us all and the "shuuc chung" of the round being chambered is a sure attention getter.

But should the occasional black snake or chicken snake be foolish enough to get in the flower beds and be seen by my better half they are in a world of trouble, although even there they are odds on to survive.

I have found that a good indication of a snake around is in the number of frogs and lizards around the bushes and garden. When the population thins, there is a snake around. And while I understand that is the nature of things, frogs and lizards eat bugs. Spiders, ants, mosquitoes and other such. Snakes, well, they just slither around trying to keep out of sight.

But none of these bother me the way a mole does. An industrious mole can ruin a garden, flower bed and make a yard look like it has been plowed. I have had dozens of them and have spent a small fortune at my local co-op in poison. None of which works very well. Indeed, one variety made them so fat I swear they ordered seconds.

The wind is up tonight so I can't hear the coyotes yapping. Just as well as their yapping reminds me of people shouting and I can never tell if it is in joy or sadness. Perhaps like man it is both. We never know when one will end and the other begin in that endless cycle we call life.