Friday, October 16, 2009

Secrets of long life from the Orient

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Hat tip to Jimmy M!

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On Twitter I am Lesabre1

Sweat Lodge

I'm sorry but I was born and raised in the south. We had no air conditioners beyond fans and many went to movies because the theaters were "refrigerated" not because the products were all great. In fact, it was 5 years after we were married that my wife and I had an air conditioner....

So I hope you will understand why I have to consider anyone paying money to go sit in a sweat lodge to be pretty easy in the "I believe" department. So the friends of the victims have my sympathy but could we please introduce a wee bit of skepticism into the world and a damn site less "I'm ok, you're ok?"

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Bladeless fan

A little spendy but this is pretty neat.
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Geithner aides made millions on Wall Street

Nice work if you can get it!

Earlier this month the release of the telephone call logs of Tim Geithner, Treasury secretary, showed he had numerous conversations with a number of Wall Street executives, sparking allegations that the administration was too close to the industry.

Officials argued then and on Wednesday that it was important to have skilled people working for the government as it crafted complicated financial rescues and for Mr Geithner to communicate with financial sector executives. Mr Geithner, the former president of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, has never worked on Wall Street.

Mr Obama, however, has hit out at the culture that he said prevailed before last year’s financial crisis – at a time when many of the Treasury officials were working on Wall Street and related businesses.

“We will not go back to the days of reckless behaviour and unchecked excess that was at the heart of this crisis, where too many were motivated only by the appetite for quick kills and bloated bonuses,” he said at a speech in New York last month

Yeah. No doubt. Yes sir. That's it!

Hat tip to Buffy!

Link to FT article.

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