Friday, March 20, 2009
The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2008!!
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008!!
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
A BONUS EXTRA
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
Hat tip to Dave T
Obamie is either dumb or surrendering... or maybe both.
The following was sent to Iran with absolutely no fan fare within the us. You will see why. While we worry 24/7 over money, he is surrendering to Iran.
See the video link. His tone and posture is as a supplicant. What a shame. How disgusting.
"I would like to speak directly to the people and leaders of the Islamic Republic of Iran," Obama said in a conciliatory tone that contrasted sharply with Bush's hardline approach. "We seek the promise of a new beginning."
Obama's willingness to talk to U.S. enemies like Iran has been welcomed internationally as a departure from what many saw as Bush's go-it-alone "cowboy diplomacy" epitomized by the 2003 U.S.-led invasion of Iraq.
And what has Iran replied?
Ali-Akbar Javan-Fekr said: "The U.S. must atone for it's past mistakes toward the Islamic Republic of Iran and must make fundamental changes in it's policy. Differences between the U.S. and the Islamic Republic of Iran will continue to exist for as long as Washington continues to blindly support the evil regime of Israel."
Ahmadinejad's spokesman also added: "The United States must discontinue it's violent behavior, it must stop arresting Muslims and must stop supporting terrorist groups around the world!"
The sentence in bold expresses the same thing today as bin Ladin said 12 years ago this month in his interview with Peter Arnett, then of CNN.
Transcript of Osama Bin Ladin interview by Peter Arnett
REPORTER: Mr. Bin Ladin, will the end of the United States' presence in Saudi Arabia, their withdrawal, will that end your call for jihad against the United States and against the US ?
BIN LADIN:... So, the driving-away jihad against the US does not stop with its withdrawal from the Arabian peninsula, but rather it must desist from aggressive intervention against Muslims in the whole world.
You know, Bush may not have captured bin Ladin, but he didn't offer to kiss his ass.
Expanded from comments I made in the Tennessean.