Sunday, July 5, 2009

Monkey rights

The European Court of Justice for the protection of human rights will examine the plea to grant recognition to a chimp as a person with corresponding rights. The litigant is not the chimp personally. If successful, this individual will get a guardian to represent his interests. In a future case one anticipates, institutionalized discrimination against chimps will be charged. Putting someone under tutelage because he is a chimp has implications. They are that all chimpanzees, regardless of their personal merits, are deemed to need a guardian. This is, indeed, a clear case of racial profiling.


I couldn't make this up.

Divorce Agreement

American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists
and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this
latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I
know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on
what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and
chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our
two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly
divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are
welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and
war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are,
however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to
move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical
companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved
homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot
Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles
and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right
to invade and hammer places that threaten us..You can have the
peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are
under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N..
but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can
take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing
doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a

We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem.
I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the
World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can give trickle up
poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our
history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like
minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just
hit delete.

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which one of us
will need whose help in 15 years.

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheehan, Barbara
Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S. And we won't have to press 1 for English.

Hat tip to Grant M