Sunday, September 28, 2008

And they claim red staters are dumb..


Only a person in TENNESSEE could think of this.

From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true
story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Paris,
Tennessee. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so
intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking
lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five
different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He
sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and
drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--it
was a fine, dry summer night--, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple
of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then
remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons'
vehicles left. At last, when his was the only car left in the parking
lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up
his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over
and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the
breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol
at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to
the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Hillbilly. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

We may not be able to out smart Florida, Auburn or UCLA... but we can sure out fox Smokey..

Thanks to Shawn

Obama's Missouri helpers attack

If anyone ever needed to know why they should vote for McCain and against Hussein, the following says it all:

Gov. Blunt Statement on Obama Campaign’s Abusive Use of Missouri Law Enforcement

JEFFERSON CITY - Gov. Matt Blunt today issued the following statement on news reports that have exposed plans by U.S. Senator Barack Obama to use Missouri law enforcement to threaten and intimidate his critics.

“St. Louis County Circuit Attorney Bob McCulloch, St. Louis City Circuit Attorney Jennifer Joyce, Jefferson County Sheriff Glenn Boyer, and Obama and the leader of his Missouri campaign Senator Claire McCaskill have attached the stench of police state tactics to the Obama-Biden campaign.

“What Senator Obama and his helpers are doing is scandalous beyond words, the party that claims to be the party of Thomas Jefferson is abusing the justice system and offices of public trust to silence political criticism with threats of prosecution and criminal punishment.

“This abuse of the law for intimidation insults the most sacred principles and ideals of Jefferson. I can think of nothing more offensive to Jefferson’s thinking than using the power of the state to deprive Americans of their civil rights. The only conceivable purpose of Messrs. McCulloch, Obama and the others is to frighten people away from expressing themselves, to chill free and open debate, to suppress support and donations to conservative organizations targeted by this anti-civil rights, to strangle criticism of Mr. Obama, to suppress ads about his support of higher taxes, and to choke out criticism on television, radio, the Internet, blogs, e-mail and daily conversation about the election.

“Barack Obama needs to grow up. Leftist blogs and others in the press constantly say false things about me and my family. Usually, we ignore false and scurrilous accusations because the purveyors have no credibility. When necessary, we refute them. Enlisting Missouri law enforcement to intimidate people and kill free debate is reminiscent of the Sedition Acts - not a free society.”


Again I note that I haven't seen any whisper of this on the MSM or any Leftie blog.

Why not?

My thanks to Buffy1.

Age by Walmart

A sad, but true story.

My thanks to Mike L.

Age By Wal-Mart

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house
mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room,
or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You
have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with
the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what,
and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great
home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to
get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself
in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because
you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in
the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running
the register.

In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change
shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash
your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still
got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.
The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you
went to school with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweat shirt that is long enough
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes
and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost
empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.
The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age
and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in
your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not
to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie
running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think
you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from
Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the
shit off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your
50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole
in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute, but you
don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have
your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog shit on
your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because
you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now
remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out
loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to school
with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.