Church Bulletins

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank heavens for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals...

--------------------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

--------------------------


Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

--------------------------

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you..

--------------------------


Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

--------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

--------------------------

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

--------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.. Music will follow.

------------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice ..

--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
-------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow..
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin..
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
-------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
-------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.
-------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours

Hat tip to Jimmy M!





On Twitter I am Lesabre1

He will restore our dignity in Europe

Two boys pose in front of a carnival float representing U.S. President Barack Obama, with the words 'Obama as liberator' on his shirt, is pictured during the traditional Rose Monday carnival parade in the western German city of Duesseldorf February 15, 2010. The Rose Monday parades in Cologne, Mainz and Duesseldorf are the highlight of the German street carnival season.

Link

Hmmmm, The Chosen One is shown upside down.....

Where did the love go?




On Twitter I am Lesabre1

An explanation as to why the Left hates Palin

The fear exhibited by the Leftie Population, not only here but nationwide, is like nothing I have seen in my 70 plus years.

The nearest thing I can think of having actually seen, was the reaction of a group of under performing sales people to the addition of a high performance sales person to the group. But even that, though similar, was no where near as viscous and dishonest, even though careers were on the line, as what Palin brings out.

I think part of it is politics. Palin has reached a large group of people that the Right was not reaching and provided focus. This frightens the Left because both sides must command the middle to win, and the Left is now losing that battle.

Part of it is hatred of women by some men. Like hatred of Jews, some Lefties pick it up and carry it all of their lives.

Part of it is jealousy by women. Especially women who have embraced the Leftie belief system that they are limited by the "system" as to what they can do.

But most of it is fear they will lose power and no longer command the attention and audience that has given them fame and fortune. This extends all the way down from the Gollywooders and chattering class to the bloggers who have started rumors and lied in the hopes that they will be noticed by the minions at MSNBC and CNN.

People hate things they fear.

And since it is not possible to explain all of this every time it is needed to be done, I have coined three new words.

Sarahphobic or Saraphobia or Sarahphobe.






On Twitter I am Lesabre1

Loose lose lost

Now, Professor Phil Jones of the University of East Anglia has admitted publicly, and — as far as I know — for the first time, that there has been no statistically significant “global warming” for 15 years. He has also admitted that his Climatic Research Unit has lost much of the data behind the “hockey-stick” graph, via which Michael Mann and other Climategate conspirators had falsely attempted to demonstrate that the Medieval Warm Period was not warmer than the present.

Link

I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interrèd with their bones.
So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious.
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Caesar answered it.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest --
For Brutus is an honorable man,
So are they all, all honorable men --

Link

It is just that they lose things
But Phil is an honorable man
So is Algore of the newly rich
And always of the political class
But Algore is an honorable man
So are they all honorable men
It is just that they lose things
And that is not a fault because they know
What the numbers should be
Indeed, they know what the numbers must be
For they are all honorable men......

And the money and power meant nothing
Nothing at all




On Twitter I am Lesabre1

Colonel Allen West

explains why we are being attacked.

Link to video.

This man understands and puts it in words that anyone can understand.






On Twitter I am Lesabre1

Professor Jones changes his story

Isn't amazing how a little sunshine makes the rats scurry?

Professor Jones also conceded the possibility that the world was warmer in medieval times than now – suggesting global warming may not be a man-made phenomenon.

And he said that for the past 15 years there has been no ‘statistically significant’ warming.

That aint no Right Wing Nut job or coliumnist speaking dear Lefties. Professor Jones has been.... note the HAS BEEN... one of the leading voices in claiming that the world is hotter than ever and that it is getting hotter. Does that tell you something or do you need it further explained....
Link

Now, will someone tell me why the above has not been on every news channel and the front page of the NYW and Wa Post?

Could it be that there is a Leftie Bias?




On Twitter I am Lesabre1

UN IPCC wrong.......again

OSLO (Reuters) - The U.N. panel of climate experts overstated how much of the Netherlands is below sea level, according to a preliminary report on Saturday, admitting yet another flaw after a row last month over Himalayan glacier melt.

Green Business | COP15

A background note by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) said a 2007 report wrongly stated that 55 percent of the country was below sea level since the figure included areas above sea level, prone to flooding along rivers.

The United Nations has said errors in the 2007 report of about 3,000 pages do not affect the core conclusions that human activities, led by burning fossil fuels, are warming the globe.

Link

Nothing to see here folks, move along now. Put your liberty and freedom in the box by the door on your way out!




On Twitter I am Lesabre1