I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a polygamist with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ounce.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America ..
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico .
A picture is now worth only 200 words.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, our long, unnecessary war, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Hat tip to Jimmy M!
On to more serious stuff.
In the I wouldn't want to get pissed off and say something nasty department.
On Friday February 11, the day Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak stepped down, CBS correspondent Lara Logan was covering the jubilation in Tahrir Square for a "60 Minutes" story when she and her team and their security were surrounded by a dangerous element amidst the celebration. It was a mob of more than 200 people whipped into frenzy.CBS Link
In the crush of the mob, she was separated from her crew. She was surrounded and suffered a brutal and sustained sexual assault and beating before being saved by a group of women and an estimated 20 Egyptian soldiers. She reconnected with the CBS team, returned to her hotel and returned to the United States on the first flight the next morning. She is currently in the hospital recovering.
There will be no further comment from CBS News and correspondent Logan and her family respectfully request privacy at this time.
"dangerous element" You think?
"no further comment" Not even a "that was naughty of them?"
We can be thankful for the women and the 20 soldiers.
We can scorn CBS for its despicable timidness. PC strikes again.
And all I have heard all day is that we must work together to balance the budget and avoid the catastrophe just over the horizon. To do this we must raise taxes and cut spending.
Uh, how can I say this???
Dearest Assholes:
You never cut spending in a deal like this so take your suggestions and shove them where the sun doesn't shine.
Get back to me when you have cut federal employment by 10%, wages by 10% and closed down the Department of Education, Energy, EPA, HUD and this has happened 5 years in the past. At the same time we can eliminate all foreign aid and NPR. More details to follow.
BTW - Since I ain't the one who pissed away trillions I don't see me agreeing to take it in the shorts for your hen house ways. By that I mean don't even think about touching Social Security or Medicare.
I hope there is no confusion in this matter.
It has warmed up nicely.
I have spent two days picking up limbs, raking the oak leaves away from the house and from in the flower beds. You know. The ones that fall all winter.
And I then put the baggier on the John Deere and started bagging the leaves and trash for depositing in trash piles, with plans to dump on the garden as compost to till in and cover to reduce weeds and hold moisture.
Bless Global Warming.
My boss said that the garden must be bigger this year and she plans to fight food inflation with more freezing, pickling and canning. So I will up the number of tomato plants and okra and expand my potato, cabbage, onion, cucumbers, bell peppers and squash crop.
I don't bother with corn or the various peas and beans because they are plentiful at the farmer's markets and you don't have to center your life around when the corn or peas is ready.
Gardening is always fun in February, work in July.
Speaking of warming.
Startling Stories September 1950
Another warm Lassie from Bergey. I remember reading the novel, "The Cybernetic Brains" but I don't remember the girl. Ah. Life is full of disappointments.
"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them." - Karl Popper
“Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants. It is the creed of slaves.” - William Pitt
"Logic. There is little logic among the cultural elite, maybe because there is little omnipresent fear of job losses or the absence of money, and so arises a rather comfortable margin to indulge in nonsense." - Victor Davis Hanson
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