Las Vegas Bits and Pieces

So I'm gonna get on a silver bird, see? And I'm gonna go to Las Vegas, see?

Why do I have this urge to talk like that? We all know that Vegas is a family vacation spot, see? errrr, Right? Well actually I think they've given up on that. Now it's, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!"

Of really? Then why does those credit card companies keep sending bills???
And a lapse in judgement with certain, er, ladies... can provide you with something that stays with you forever....

I've been going to Vegas for years and years. Best shows? Sinatra. Period. Besides, what other star could have Sammy Davis, Jr. open for him?

Most obnoxious people in Vegas? The local poker players who will do almost anything to make a tourist that is hot, leave.

Best hotel? Marriott Suites. (I said hotel, not casino hotel.)

Dedication Las Vegas style? A Saturday morning. A 60ish player in the 10-20 poker game looks kinda peaked... grey around the mouth... stands up staggers backwards, falls over.... security rushes up.... medics rush up... start treatment. Floor man counts his chips and picks them up... Dealer yells, "Got a seat on table 6!" And deals..... Elapsed time about 5 minutes.. Hands missed? Maybe 3.

You will find sympathy between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.

Guy wanders up to a crap table, throws a $100 chip on the felt and says, "On the double 6's." Which is a one roll bet that pays 33 to 1... The shooter shoots and 66 pops up... As the house man stacks the $3300 he asks, "Wanna press the bet?"

To which the gambler replies, "You got a mirror?"

Someone says, "Huh? Why?"

The gambler, picking up his money and leaving without giving the table a tote, "I just wanna see if I got STUPID written on my forehead."

A very well endowed lady at the bar about 20 feet away notices it all and starts a path to bump into the gambler as planned and studied as any NFL cornerback would use on a wide receiver.

You want love? Buy a dog or make a nice score. ;-)

Wanna double your money in Vegas? Take it out, fold it over...put it back.

See you later, dear chums. Don't want to miss the flight!