Something to get your week started

Funny !!!!! British Humor ENJOY

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning. Can you believe that, 2:30am?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.


I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.

I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...but she did.


Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?

All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.


Two friends are fishing near a bridge.

Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing.

His mate turns to him and says," Dave, that's one of the nicest most respectful things I've ever seen "

Dave replies, " Well we were married for nearly 20 years "


Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead"

The operator says how do you know?

He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!"



I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.

I said "You're pulling my leg"


A man walks into a welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer.

The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from? You sound English".

"I'm from across the Severn," replies the man nervously.

"What do you do, just across the Severn?".

"I'm a taxidermist."

"What on earth is one of those?"

"I mount animals."

"Its alright boys," shouts the barman "he's one of us."


Spent $40 on eBay last week for a penis enlarger.

Just opened it and some bastard's sent me a magnifying glass!


I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!

At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.


My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.

Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.


What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.


An old lady is being examined by the Dr. He asks, "Have you ever been bedridden?"

She says, "Yes I have and I've been table ended and back skuttled a few times too".


Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse!

Do you think I should change dentists?


A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back".

He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair".


I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

She said "I would like to come back as a cow".

I said, "You're obviously not listening".


Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.


I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said, "I love you".

She said, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

I replied, "It's me talking to the beer".


The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I've been to the Goodwill to get all her clothes back.


Hi I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the ER.

Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.

Hat tip to Mike L!

OnTwitter I am Lesabre1

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them." - Karl Popper

“Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants. It is the creed of slaves.” - William Pitt

"Logic. There is little logic among the cultural elite, maybe because there is little omnipresent fear of job losses or the absence of money, and so arises a rather comfortable margin to indulge in nonsense." - Victor Davis Hanson

Ninety three days in jail for a garden that has no marijuana.

Just veggies......

I was raised on a farm and have never missed an opportunity to have a garden, if possible, in the various places I have lived. Many times it wasn't possible and sometimes it was a lost cause.

Seattle, for example, is great for zucchini but is known for its "green tomato summers." That is a summer that is so cool and so short that tomatoes can't ripen. We had jars of tomato pickle relish for years after we left the Emerald City.

Gardens are good exercise for everyone, great teaching tools for children and can reduce the grocery bill. All of this while providing healthy food.

Truly gardens are win-win. Even in cities some neighborhoods have established common gardens on vacant lots and who can forget the "Victory Gardens" of WWII?

Evidently the city fathers of Oak Park, MI.

City code says that all unpaved portions of the site shall be planted with grass or ground cover or shrubbery or other suitable live plant material. Tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers are what Basses see as suitable.

However, Oak Park’s Planning and Technology Director Kevin Rulkowski says the city disagrees. He says, “If you look at the dictionary, suitable means common. You can look all throughout the city and you’ll never find another vegetable garden that consumes the entire front yard.”

Link

Leaving aside the beauty of a well maintained garden and all the good things mentioned, we discover that City Father Rulkowski's grasp of English is limited. Suitable does not mean common.

such as to suit; appropriate; fitting; becoming

It use to be said, when discussing our great leaders and heroes, "Where do we get such men?"

In this case we can change great and heroes to a sigh of disgust and say... "If you find out where they come from, let us know so we can shut the door!"

Julie Bass, who faces 93 days in jail for her dare to disobey the tyrants of her world, would probably agree.

OnTwitter I am Lesabre1

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them." - Karl Popper

“Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants. It is the creed of slaves.” - William Pitt

"Logic. There is little logic among the cultural elite, maybe because there is little omnipresent fear of job losses or the absence of money, and so arises a rather comfortable margin to indulge in nonsense." - Victor Davis Hanson

Baseball season is over for us.

Final score was 15 to 14. It was not exactly a pitcher's battle.

Losing is never easy for people who expect to win and take the necessary steps to win. That means practice, study, practice, conditioning, study and practice some more. And even at the kids level they understand that work is required and respect another kid's effort as much as they do his results.

Baseball, like life, allows many mistakes. It is a game of averages, close calls and strategies for different situations. But ultimately there can be only one winner.

But like life, next year will come for those remaining and it will all start again. As new as the buttercups that bloom in late March and as old as the call, "Play ball!"

And as painful as tonight is, come tomorrow the good memories of a great season will wash away the sorrow and establish a bench mark for next year!

OnTwitter I am Lesabre1

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them." - Karl Popper

“Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants. It is the creed of slaves.” - William Pitt

"Logic. There is little logic among the cultural elite, maybe because there is little omnipresent fear of job losses or the absence of money, and so arises a rather comfortable margin to indulge in nonsense." - Victor Davis Hanson

Going to Mars?

Just heard Obama on TV saying we would go to Mars.... and that we would use an asteroid as a pit stop.

That's like saying we'll fly to St Louis from New York by using San Francisco as a pit stop.

And the media seems too dumb to understand that.

(Hint to DA: The Asteroid Belt is between Mars and Jupiter.)


OnTwitter I am Lesabre1

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them." - Karl Popper

“Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants. It is the creed of slaves.” - William Pitt

"Logic. There is little logic among the cultural elite, maybe because there is little omnipresent fear of job losses or the absence of money, and so arises a rather comfortable margin to indulge in nonsense." - Victor Davis Hanson

Charity begins at home

I don't know about you but I am doing my fair share!

Hundreds of Professional Football players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NFL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a football player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more than a month's rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a football player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

Your NFL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NFL player. My preference is (check below):

[ ] Offense [ ] Defense [ ] Special Teams [ ] Entire team

Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own Roger Goodell (NFL Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name: ____________________Telephone Number: ___________________

Account Number: __________________Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: ______________________


Hat tip to Dave T!


OnTwitter I am Lesabre1

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them." - Karl Popper

“Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants. It is the creed of slaves.” - William Pitt

"Logic. There is little logic among the cultural elite, maybe because there is little omnipresent fear of job losses or the absence of money, and so arises a rather comfortable margin to indulge in nonsense." - Victor Davis Hanson

Died on the 4th of July and in the USA.

That would be John Adams and Thomas Jefferson.

I have always found it interesting that these two giants of our country’s founding died on the same day and within hours of each other. If ever you want to look to events that portended the future this has to grab you around the throat and say, “Yes. Destiny ruled there.”

Both had their strengths and both had their weaknesses. But it is not my intent to do what hundreds of historians have done and try to add some new small or large fact to the store of facts we have about them. Instead I just note that despite their different upbringing and their different life styles and their on and off friendships in the end they came together.

“Out of many, one.”

That sounds good but actually the Native Americans took the land from other "more Native" Americans. Countries belong to people who are willing to take and hold the land from new groups coming forward. Our society has been unique in that we have been a melting pot for Europeans with a sprinkling of other groups.

That was the secret. The vast majority of the groups had some things in common. Christianity, freedom of speech, limitations on what the rulers could do come to mind. And even with that we had problems from the start. The South had slaves, the North had manufacturing. The new lands needed settlers the old rejected the ghettos of the new arrivals.

Yet despite a Civil War and the hatred that a botched “Reconstruction” brought, we worked our way forward and built an American Culture that defeated Nazism and Communism and, finally, rejected racism and sexism. And at the same time our economy flourished and our standard of living became the envy of the world.

But a culture that demanded assimilation of the new arrivals and rejected identity politics came under attack by people who thought socialism better and communism best. It should go without saying that the people at the fore front of these activities were members of the “chattering class.” Those people who, supported largely by first the state itself but also by “Daddy’s Money” used the time free from having to do useful things to breed a hatred for the country and those who led more mundane lives of military, school, marriage, work, family, children and retirement.

And, as part of the self hatred that the Left brought a new politically correct norm was born. “Diversity” became the buzz word. Instead of celebrating togetherness we are supposed to celebrate the differences. Instead of doing “good” for the group, we are supposed to have “groups” that are all equally good. Group politics replaced national politics and elected representatives are replaced in many places by self appointed “spokesmen.”And instead of being stout defenders of the best system of government and the best country in history our media has become water bearers for those who claim that there is no right or wrong.

All is morally equal. No one is to judge.

Into this cesspool we have been flooded by illegal and legal immigrants. And since all must be equal we change the rules to say that we need more uneducated immigrants and that they can bring their extended families with them. Reagan supposedly worked out a deal to stop this but all it did was multiply the problem. In addition to the millions of legal immigrants we have about 13 million illegal aliens.

In the past we needed unskilled labor and had vacant land that needed settling. That is no longer true. We have run out of land and have almost no demand for unskilled labor. That means a long period of government support for the immigrants and low economic success.

What is worse is that "diversity" is used as an excuse for some immigrants to remain separate. In the long run this will be a problem. We should encourage the new arrivals to adapt to our culture. That would include language, dress and all other aspects of our culture.

Failure to do this, as we see in Europe, leads to a failure to assimilate which leads to unrest and political upheaval.


We need to help the ones who are here. We need to quit accepting new ones. We need to arrest and deport the ones here illegally.


If we do not do this America will not survive.

Partially published in the Tennessean.


OnTwitter I am Lesabre1

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them." - Karl Popper

“Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants. It is the creed of slaves.” - William Pitt

"Logic. There is little logic among the cultural elite, maybe because there is little omnipresent fear of job losses or the absence of money, and so arises a rather comfortable margin to indulge in nonsense." - Victor Davis Hanson

Mathematics anyone?

As I write this it appears that the Norway terrorist attacks are the work of one, possibly two, killer(s).

And it is being trumpeted wide and far that this killer is a right wing fundamentalist Nazi Christian who hates Muslims.

Perhaps. Also perhaps he is a nutcase like the IRS attacker and the killer who attacked Rep Gifford.

Of course they will be ignored, or perhaps the lie that they are "right wingers" will be trotted out again and again in a thousand Leftie genres for the education of those of us who are not paying attention.

We get this whenever a non-Muslim attacks and whenever a Muslim attacks. Always the same.... "But....but.....just look at all of those "Christian attacks!"

I have a great deal of trouble accepting that the Oklahoma killers or the Norway killers or the IRS killer were practicing Christians.

I also have a tendency to bring this up.

Given that the US Christian population is around 300 million and the Muslim population is around 1.5 million, what weighting should we give to the population size disparity?? 300:1? 280:1?

I mean if all factors besides population number are the same, shouldn't the number of attacks be the same?

And don't forget the known planned/attempted unsuccessful attacks stopped by our security forces.

So if the number of attacks by radical Muslims since 1991 are around 20, shouldn't there be a million or so attacks by Christians???

And could you show me the international organization that is sponsoring/teaching/preaching that Christians attack us, and other Christians of different denominations??

Of course no such organization exists. Islamic organizations do.

And I return to what I wrote earlier. ......if all factors besides population number are the same, shouldn't the number of attacks be the same?

There is a difference. There is a driver and Osama bin Ladin explained it during his interview with Peter Arnett, then employed by CNN:

REPORTER: Mr. Bin Ladin, will the end of the United States' presence in Saudi Arabia, their withdrawal, will that end your call for jihad against the United States and against the US ?

BIN LADIN: The cause of the reaction must be sought and the act that has triggered this reaction must be eliminated. The reaction came as a result of the US aggressive policy towards the entire Muslim world and not just towards the Arabian peninsula. So if the cause that has called for this act comes to an end, this act, in turn, will come to an end. So, the driving-away jihad against the US does not stop with its withdrawal from the Arabian peninsula, but rather it must desist from aggressive intervention against Muslims in the whole world.

Interview Link

In case anyone is geography challenged, the US and western Europe is part of "the whole world." We exist. Therefore we are attacked.


OnTwitter I am Lesabre1

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and tolerance with them." - Karl Popper

“Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants. It is the creed of slaves.” - William Pitt

"Logic. There is little logic among the cultural elite, maybe because there is little omnipresent fear of job losses or the absence of money, and so arises a rather comfortable margin to indulge in nonsense." - Victor Davis Hanson